Be My Salvation
by SarahNotPlainJane
Summary: Eli Goldsworthy is Clare Edwards childhood best friend. When Clares parents unfortunatly pass away, Eli is there to help Clare cope. Eli will do anything to make Clare smile again.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Tragedy and the Tree House

It's a Wednesday night, and I'm spending it in the comfort of my best friend's home. I'm currently lying in his lap, shivering through my tears and sobs. Eli has always been there for me throughout the years. We've grown up with each other, and known each other since we were babies. He knows everything that there is to know about me, well almost everything. I've escaped to the arms of his safety for years ever since my own parents started fighting, and now their filling for a divorce.

I drift into sleep, but I'm awoken by the sounds of my own shrilling screams. Eli looks into my eyes with concern. I start to shake all over again from being startled by my nightmare. I cannot find the words to speak. I'm fighting to find words of comfort so I can reassure Eli of my state, but I'm failing. I hear footsteps descending from the stars behind Eli and I. It's only CeCe. I try to control my sobs as Eli rubs my back and whispers to me that I'll be okay and that I'm safe.

"Everything okay down here kids? I heard screaming." Asks CeCe.

I blush from embarrassment. It was only a dream and I can hardly remember what it was about. Eli's comforting me as you would to a child having a nightmare, or thought that they saw a monster.

"Claire just had a nightmare." Eli told his mother.

Sometimes I feel like Elis little sister, just by the way he takes such good care of me, and how protective he is of my well being.

"I'll go brew a pot of hot chamomile tea. That will help calm your nerves sweetie. And it will also let you sleep better. I know that there is a lot going on for you right now.' CeCe sooths.

I nod my head and smile a weak smile in CeCe's direction. I burry my head into Elis chest and close my eyes, but not to fall asleep. Eli holds me in his arms as he talks to his mother. I'm beginning to think that I'm losing my grip on my own sanity. I'm such an emotional wreak ever since my parents started their arguing. My older sister, Darcy, left the summer of last year to go explore Europe with her boyfriend Peter. So I'm left to deal with my parents fighting all by myself. Elis house is my second home. His parents are like my second family.

I feel Eli nudge me with his fingers, poking my sides. I assume the tea is ready, so I open my eyes and sit up. There's a mug of hot chamomile tea sitting on the coffee table and Eli is sipping his own mug with a grin placed across his smug face. I look at Eli with confusion. Was there something I missed while I got caught up in my own thoughts?

"What is so amusing? Why do you look so smug?" I question Eli as I pick up my own mug of tea.

"I'll never tell." Eli answers me with a shake of his head.

I know better than to try to get something out of Eli. If it's something he wants to share, he'll do it on his own. So instead of trying to get the answer to my question, I just shake my head with a smile and continue to sip my tea while watching whatever show that is playing on the television in front of us both.

I must have fallen asleep again, because now I am lying on Elis bed, but I'm alone in his bed. I sit up and notice Eli asleep on the floor of his own bedroom. I don't know why he didn't just sleep in his own bed with me. It's not like we've never slept in his bed together before. Oh well, I'm sure it's nothing personal. With a yawn, I close my eyes shut and drift off to sleep once again.

I awake to the sound of Eli shuffling around in his room. Eli notices that my eyes are open and he jumps on his bed and lands right on top of me, tickling me. I fight him off as I struggle to get up from underneath him. I lose the battle with a fit of giggles and screams. I then remember that I'm still wearing my skirt from yesterday and become slightly self conscious.

"Are you blushing Claire? Do I make you that nervous?" Eli teases.

I sit up on his bed trying to smooth down my skirt, but give up and just get off the bed to straighten out myself instead.

"No. No you do not. But we have school soon, and I am not wearing the same outfit I wore yesterday. It's too late to go to my house for me to change." I trail off on a rant. As any other girl in this world, she would not want to repeat her outfit in high school. Eli only shook his head at me with his infamous grin.

"Clam down Claire, you can just wear one of my shirts and I'll give you a pair of sweatpants. I'll share, but were not looking like twins. You've tricked me into that once." Eli says as he dug out a shirt and sweatpants for me to wear.

"But that was so much fun! Just admit it; you loved every second of it!" I said as Eli throws his clothes at me.

I take a good look at the shirt in my hands and recognize it right away. It's the shirt that I gave to him as a birthday present last year. He never wears it out in public because of the panda bear holding a pink heart on it. It's adorable if you ask me. I let out a chuckle as I change my clothes in front of Eli.

"You're such a dork Claire Edwards." Eli laughs at me as he drags me out of his room so we can leave for school.

I left my book bag down stars in the living room, so I grab that on our way out of the front door. On our way out, Eli catches our attention to tell us, or rather Eli, to say that she's working a double shift tonight and will be home as soon as she can. Eli just nods his head while I'm still laughing. Once we reach Elis car in the driveway, I still can't stop laughing. And especially when Eli turns on the radio and The Spice Girls "Wannabe" comes on and he starts to sing along. So far, this morning is the best morning I have had in a long time.

As Eli and I approach school I spot my best friend, Ali, just about to enter school, so I part ways with Eli and run after Ali before she disappears. Once I catch up with her, I have to catch my breath before I can speak. Ali notices the shirt I'm currently wearing and raises her eyebrows at me with a questionable look upon her face.

"Um Claire, where did you get that horrid shirt from that you're wearing?"Ali questions me.

"It's Elis shirt. I spent the night last night and borrowed his clothes to wear for the day until I go home." I explain to my confused friend, but her eyes grow bigger with my simple explanation.

"You spent the night at Elis? And you're now wearing his clothes? Are you serious Claire?" Ali says sounding curiously appalled.

I laugh at my friends' reaction. "Ali, it's just clothes. Plus I've slept over at Elis plenty of times before. We've known each other for years? We've known each other since we were babies. "I try to reason. Ali only scoffs at me with a shake of her head as she laughs.

""Okay Claire. If you say so. Oh well, come on lets go to homeroom before we're late." Ali says as she leads me arm in arm to our classroom.

As I sit in my first period class, Biology, my teacher Mr. Waters calls my name sending me out of my daydream. I turn my head in his direction to answer him.

"Yes Mr. Waters?" I ask as to know why he called my name and I hope he didn't ask an important question, because my mind is not on science today.

"Principal Simposn would like to see you in his office." Mr. Waters tells me as he hands me a hall pass.

What? I didn't do anything! I just take the hall pass in pure confusion and make my way to the principal's office. I can't think of one reason why I should be sent to the principal. As I approach the office, I hand the secretary at the front desk my pass and sign my name on the list on her desk. I sit on a yellow plastic chair and begin to wait to hear whatever Principal Stevens has to tell me. And after a few minutes, Principal Simpson appears out of his office door.

"Claire Edwards?" Principal Simpson states as he walks out of his office.

I nod my head, follow Principal Simpson into his office and sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk with my heart starting to race.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I have called you in here for Claire, and you're not in trouble, but I'm sorry to inform you that I do not have any good news either." He takes a big breath and leans forward in his chair looking me straight in my eyes. "'I've gotten news that your parents were in a horrible car accident this morning. They both didn't survive. I am so sorry Claire. I do however, give you permission to leave for the rest of the day to cope with this news and for the remainder of the week and return next Monday to school." Principal Simpson informs me.

No! No! No! This cannot be real! They're not dead! They're not dead. I burst into tears, and nod my head at my principal, who leads me out of his office. I sign my name out at the sectary desk and run to my locker. Once I reach my locker, I slide down to the floor in front of my locker, hugging my knees. The bell rings, singling for class to be over and soon I'm surrounded by students. Eli spots me from the distance and runs over to my side.

"Claire! Claire, what's wrong?" Eli asks me full of worry.

I pick my head up and wipe away my tears. I draw in a sharp breath so I can speak.

"My parents died this morning in a horrible car accident." I choke out with another fresh batch of hot tears stinging in my eyes.

Eli wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a tight hug. When he lets go, I can see traces of a few tears he shed of his own.

"Claire, I'm sorry. You know I am here for you. I'll help you get through this. Are you staying in school for the rest of the day?" Eli asks in a caring voice as he sits next to me.

"I get to leave school, and Principal Simpson gave me the rest of the week off as well to cope, but I have to return next Monday." I tell Eli through my sobs.

Eli nods his head and offers a hand to help me off of the floor, and I accept his hand gratefully.

"You can go to my place if you like instead of your house. No one will be home, and I can give you my house key to get in. I'll be home as soon as school lets out." Eli offers as he hands me his key.

"Thank you Eli. You have no idea how lucky I am to have you in my life." I said as I hug Eli and place a kiss on his cheek.

Eli smiles at me in return and kisses my forehead after brushing my hair out of my face. "I know. More than you know." Eli says with his famous smug grin.

"Way to be cute Eli. But yeah I know. Well, I'm going to get going; I'll see you at home." I almost choke out. I hug Eli once more before I walk away to make my way to his house.

I can feel the tears swelling back into my eyes as I walk away from school. There's no fighting the uncontrollable sobs and violent shaking that is overtaking my body. I'm alone. All alone. I don't have a clue if Darcy knows or not. I guess I'll have to call her and tell her the bad news. They're gone. No more of hearing their voices. Even though they fought constantly, I'd rather hear that than their absence. Where am I to stay and live? I know that Eli and his parents would be more than pleased to take me in. I just don't want to be a burden or a problem, or to be imposing. Don't get me wrong, I love the Goldsworthys, with all of my heart, but I'm just not sure if that's going to work.

I arrive at Elis house and unlock the front door and let myself in. The first thing I do is get a glass of water and swallow a couple of aspirin to calm my swimming headache and I feel a wave of nausea wash over me. I quickly run upstairs to get to the bathroom. As I reach the bathroom, I go to the toilet and pull back my hair to empty my already empty stomach.

After I cool myself down from my attack of nausea, I go into Elis room and lie down on Elis bed staring up at his ceiling. My tears won't stop flowing down my face in a silent waterfall. I think back to my parents' last argument and it was over me going out on a date and I had come home way past my curfew. I got wrath from both of my parents for it. They still screamed the following day, which lead me to Elis house last night. And now I'm crying in Elis bed over their death. I close my eyes to try to push away the memories, and I drift off to sleep.

I awake to find Eli typing on his laptop at his desk. I groggily sit up and rub my eyes before speaking.

"Eli, you're home." I say barely audible for him to hear, but he must have heard me because he stopped typing and turned around to face me.

"Hey there blue eyes. I got a surprise for you if you're up to it." Eli flashes me his famous smirk. "You're going to love me for it I promise." Eli says as he reaches for my hands as he sits on his bed next to me.

I place my hands in his and try my best to smile, but I know I'm failing to do so.

"I'm up for any distraction, but let me first go splash some water on face to get rid of my dried up tears." I tell Eli as I hop off his bed.

"I'll wait for you downstairs." Eli tells me and I answer him with a simple nod of my head as I head for the bathroom. What I didn't want to tell Eli, is that I have to throw up before we leave.

After I finish doing what I had to do, I meet Eli downstairs, trying to seem as happy as I can be. I know it's okay for me to act depressed right now, but I've been feeling that way for so long, and I just want to fake it for at least a little while.

Seeing Eli smirking while he waits for me to join him almost breaks my heart. I would give anything to look that happy and truly mean it. A stubborn tear slides down my right cheek as I approach Eli, and he wipes away my fallen tear as he takes my hand and leads me out of the house and into his car.

We drove in silence until Eli parks his car by an abandoned hiking trail that looks oddly familiar. Eli turns off his car engine, gets out, and walks over to my side opening the door for me. He holds out his hand and I gratefully take it as I step out of the car. As we get to the path leading into the woods, Eli places a bandana over my eyes.

"Eli, what are you doing?" I question my best friend.

"Trust me Claire, just take my hand and follow my lead. Don't you worry blue eyes. I'm not going to murder you." I hear Eli chuckle as he takes my left hand and starts to lead me through the woods.

"I do trust you." I say behind the darkness of my blindfold, and I give Elis hand a squeeze with my hand in his.

After walking for about ten minutes or so, I feel Eli come to a stop. Suddenly, I can see again and I meet Eli in the eyes with his smirk. I take a look around to my surroundings and notice one thing that does make me smile.

"Eli, it's our tree house!" I beam at the boy before me, and give him a tight squeeze. "I haven't been here in forever!" I squeal with delight.

"I'm glad that I brought you back here Claire. Do you want to climb up?" Eli asks with a smile instead of his smirk.

"Yes! I haven't been up there in ages! I wonder if we'll find anything that we left behind up there." I said as I start to climb up the wooden steps attached to the tree of my childhood.

"I have no idea. There's only one way to find out." Eli says as he climbs below me.

I reach the tree house and climb inside to find my favorite stuffed lion I named Leo, sitting in a corner covered in cobwebs. There's a pile of comics that are in a shoebox also covered in cobwebs.

"Find anything?" Eli asks from behind, making me jump at the sound of his voice.

I nod my head. "Yeah, my favorite childhood stuffed animal and," I begin to say.

"My comic book collection!" Eli squeals out with joy and runs over to the dusty shoebox.

I chuckle as I watch my best friend become ten years old again. I walk over to where I left my lion and wipe off all of the cobwebs and dust. His right eye is missing and he smells like mold. I place Leo back where I found him and stick my head out the one window of our tree house.

I remember sticking my head out this window as a child wondering what else could be out there watching me. Or I would just watch the birds and squirrels. Eli used to throw rocks at the squirrels in the trees that I would point out. I then would just stop telling Eli what I saw in the woods.

This tree house was our safe haven as kids. We came here to escape. If one of us had a bad day, we would just come here and leave our troubles behind us. My sister, Darcy, used to come up here with her "boyfriends" and make out. I caught her one day, because I followed her here. I remember standing at the bottom of the tree house and as I stood on my toes, I witnessed my sister doing things that I shouldn't have seen at the young age that I was.

"What'cha thinking about, blue eyes?" Eli asks me, bringing me back to the present.

"Childhood memories." I simply reply while turning to face Eli with a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"Ahh okay. Hey, you're smiling. I take that I was successful on my part of distracting you so far." Eli said as he gave me his famous smirk.

"Just a bit, yes." I said not giving Eli the full satisfaction.

"Oh come on, I know I'm the reason why you're so happy right now Claire. It does bring back a lot of memories being back up here. Like the time you got so mad at me for taking your stuffed lion and I had accidently tore out his one eye. You had hit me in my arm so hard you left a bruise." Eli reminisces as it just dawned on me as to why my favorite childhood stuffed animal is missing an eye.

"Well you deserved it. Leo never did anything wrong to you. I'm sorry for hitting you that hard Eli, I guess I just didn't know my own strength." I said with a smirk of my own.

"You're incredible you know that." Eli remarks with a shake of his head.

"Thank you Mr. Goldsworthy." I say as I do a curtsy with a playful smile on my lips.

"Mr. Goldsworthy is my father. I am his son, Elijah Goldsworthy." Eli replies full of pride and his hands resting in his hips.

I shake my head with a laugh. It's amazing how Eli knows just how to make me feel better. I had almost forgotten about the horrifying news I was told about my parents this morning. I start to tear up, remembering about my parents' death. I take a seat on the dusty floorboards and put my head in my hands.

"Claire," Eli says my name softly as he knelt at my side.

I start to shake as my sobs become louder and louder. I can't handle this right now. It's all too surreal. I'm too young to lose both of my parents'. I have no family to help m e cope through this. My mom was an only child and my dad has an older brother, whom I have never met before. Both of my grandparents from either side are either dead or in a nursing home. My sister, Darcy, is in some foreign land with her boyfriend and I cannot seem to get a hold of her. I have tried texting and calling her cell phone, but she won't answer me.

I feel alone.

"Claire," Eli starts but I can tell he's not sure of what to say to me.

"I don't know what to do Eli. I feel so lost right now. I know you want to help, and I don't know how. I'm such a mess." I choke out.

"I'll try my best to help you blue eyes. You need me more than ever and I'm not going anywhere. You'll get through this, I promise. You know that my parents are here for you too. Claire, you are not alone. We'll keep trying to get a hold of Darcy so she can come home to be with you. You know that I'm always there for you the no matter what." Eli tells me as he pulls me into a comforting embrace.

"Thank you. I don't know what I would do without you in my life Eli. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but there is countless times that you've actually saved my life. There were so many times when I got so desperate and ready to end it all. I always came to you, and you made me stay alive. You kept me alive Eli. And I am so grateful for that. You have never once judged me for anything, and I love that about you." I softly confess as I break free of our hug.

"I...I did not know all of that. Claire, why tell me all of this now? Why didn't you tell me this sooner? I knew you were distressed about all of your parents fighting, but I didn't know that you were hurting that badly. You should have told me Claire." Eli tells me while looking me straight into my eyes.

"It wasn't always about my parents fighting." I whisper.

"What?" Eli asks me with confusion.

"I know I made it seem that most of my problems surrounded around my parents fighting. It was more of what they were fighting about. I couldn't set my standards high enough for my parents anymore. I started becoming a big disappointment in their eyes. I rebelled against them. I was going out on dates and coming home way past my curfew. Trust me; I am not proud of any of it. I even broke my vow of abstinence all because I wanted to feel like I was loved by someone. I was being so stupid. I just wish that I could take it all back, but I know I cannot." I confess.

"I don't know how to respond to all of that." Eli whispers in shock.

"Eli, just promise me that you'll always be by my side. You are the only person I have right now. I just need to know that I'm not alone in this. Please Eli. I need you now more than anything." I plead with a new batch of tears stinging my eyes.

"Claire, even though this a lot for me to process right now, I will never give up on you. The no matter what you throw my way. You know I'll always be by your side Claire. I'm not going anywhere blue eyes." Eli comforts me with a soft smile as he pulls me into another hug.

"Thank you." I say back with a weak smile.

"You're welcome Claire Edwards." Eli says as he makes me blush a little bit by saying my full name.

"Elijah Goldsworthy, I owe you so much." I say sincerely while locking eyes with his.

"I know one thing that you can do for me." Eli says as he takes my right hand in his.

"And what would that be?" I question my best friend.

"Be my girlfriend." Eli asks me with hope in his eyes.

"Is is the right time for me to be in a relationship? I don't know if I can do it. I'm too messed up." I respond not really answering Eli proposal.

Eli then kisses me, and it takes me by surprise, but it's so full of passion that I forget about everything around me for the moment. Once our lips part for air, I become speechless and I don't know how to respond so I just grin a real wide at Eli instead. Maybe I am ready to take the next step with Eli.

"I guess I could get used to that." I finally say with a huge smile on my lips.

""I'll take that as a yes" Eli says with a grin of his own.

"I think your mom has been waiting for this day for a long time." I recall with a soft laugh.

"Yeah she has, hasn't she? I've wanted to ask you for some time now, but I just never got the courage to ask you." Eli responds.

"I'm not that scary." I joke.

"I just didn't want to put our friendship in jeopardy. But now I know I have nothing to fear." Eli explains as he stands up and extends his hands for him to help me up.

"Awe Eli that's so sweet of you. I confess that I've been wondering about taking this next step for a while too. So, I'm glad that you got the courage to ask me." I said as I let Eli help me up.

"I couldn't have picked better timing though. Being back in our tree house seemed like the best place to ask you." Eli said holding both of my hands in his and looking into my eyes.

"It was perfect. The timing fits my situation and I'm sorry for confessing all of that though, I just felt that you had the right to know." I say as I lower my head.

"Hey, nobody's perfect. I understand why you were acting out the way you were. It's okay. You were hurting. Just stick by me, and I promise you'll be just fine. I haven't steered you wrong so far have I?" Eli says after lifting up my chin gently with his left hand.

"No you haven't. You always know how to make things better for me. I know you don't always know what to say, but just by taking the time to be there for me is all that I need sometimes. I don't want to move on too fast with this, but you already know how much I love and care about you Eli." I tell him with a timid smile.

"I know that you do and you know that I feel the same way. Claire, we've known each other since we were in diapers and have been inseparable ever since. If it were up to me, we would grow old together. We have already spent seventeen years together practically. We've had our ups and downs. We've had our fights. It's almost like we have had a seventeen year relationship already, and we just made it official now." Eli says with a laugh.

"It does seem like that doesn't it? And your parents already love me. Mine would be very happy that we've finally made the next step in our friendship, relationship, or whatever you want to call it. I know that they would finally be proud of me. They know that you'll take care of me. You have for all of these years already." I reply with my eyes tearing up one again.

"You want to get out of here and go back to my place? We can just lie around and watch a movie if you like." Eli suggests as he rubs my right arm gently.

I nod my head as I wipe away my stray tears. Eli then takes my hand and leads me down and out of our tree house.

The car ride back to Elis house was quiet. I don't know what to say anymore. Today has been both a nightmare and the day I've been waiting for in a long time. I"m truly happy that Eli and I finally became a couple. Nothing will change between the two of us besides getting closer physically. And oh god, I'm feeling nausous again.

As soon as Eli and I approach his front door, and step inside of his house, I bolt for the bathroom. I didn't have any time to close the bathroom door behind me as I go straight to sticking my head into the toilet to throw up.

"Claire? Claire, are you okay?" Eli asks in full concern after he finds me kneeling on his bathroom floor with my head hanging over his toilet, heaving

After I finish emptying my stomach, I flush the toilet and stand up to wash out my mouth. I then stand leaning against the sink catching my breath.

"I think it's just nerves. I threw up when I got here after Prinicpal Simpson sent me home." I quietly tell Eli.

"Oh Claire. Why didn't you tell me?" Eli asks me soothingly.

"I don't know. Maybe I just didn't want you to be worried about me more than you already are." I said as I shrug my shoulders.

"Claire, you know that you can come to me with any problem. It's what makes us so strong. Just promise me that next time when you have a problem, come to me. No more secrets Claire." Eli gently demands with his eyes full of worry.

I nod my head. "No more secrets, I promise." I say quietly.

"Good. Alright, come on, I'll make some hot tea to help calm your stomach and you can pick out a movie for us to watch." Eli says as he grabs my hand to lead me out of the bathroom.


	2. Have Faith

"Love is...love is...is.." I start but stop.

"Patient and kind. Clare, what's wrong? What's with the sad face?" Eli asks as he sits on my new bed, in my new room.

"Just trying to salvage my faltering faith." I'm close to tears as I trace the words in my worn Bible. "I'm scared Eli."

"Scared of what?" Eli questions me.

"It's not that simple to say. I know you're not a big believer in God, but I'm starting to have my doubts." Now my tears have started to fall upon my Bible. "I don't want to question God anymore, but I can't help it." I cry.

Eli moves closer to me and somehow maneuvers himself to where he's sitting behind me, and starts to rub my shoulders. It's helping me calm down a little, but his magic touch isn't doing me much justice right now. I lean back into Eli's body and  
start rubbing my eyes."will this ever get easier?" I say aloud.

"Give it time Clare. And as you know, I'll always be by your side." Eli says in attempt to comfort me.

"Can I ask you for a huge favor?" I ask quietly.

"Anything." Eli automatically answers.

"This would mean so much to me. Would you come along with me to church on Sunday? I could use the support." I softly speak and I try not to cry all over again.

"If it's to support you, then I guess I can suck it up and go to church?" Eli says with a light laugh.

I turn around to face Eli and asmile breaks across my face. I lean in to give him a quick kiss. "Thank you." I say still smiling.

"No problem darling." Eli leans his face closer to mine. "Anything for my love." He then plants one gentle kiss on my lips, but I open my mouth wider so he can deepen the kiss.

About a few minutes later, I pull away from the kiss and lie down on my bed with my head in Eli's lap. "Maybe this will get easier." I say with a yawnwhile closing my eyes.

"Want me to go and let you get some sleep?" Eli asks.

I shake my head slowly. "No. Stay with me. I'm too comfortable now to let you move." I plead.

Eli lets out a chuckle. "Okay. That's alright with me." Eli says while running his fingers through my hair and I find myself drifting off to sleep within minutes from his soft touch.

As I awake, I find myself alone. I assume that Eli either left last night or this morning while I slept. I sit up as I hear my bedroom door creak open.

"Clare?" I hear CeCe, Eli's mother, ask behind my door.

"Yes?" I callback.

"Can I come in?" CeCe asks back.

"Yeah, come in." I answer as CeCe enters my room.

So, how have you been holding up sweetie?" CeCe inquires of me as she sits on my bed.

I bite on my lower lip and fidget with my blanket as I gather my thoughts.

"Clare, are you okay?" CeCe questions me with concern.

I draw in a deep breath and release it before I speak. "I honestly don't know. I either feel a lot at once, or nothing at all. Eli has been so supportive and I love him for that. I also can't thank you enough for everything you've ever done for  
me and for letting me live here CeCe." I confess.

"Clare, you know that you're always welcome here. You also know that Eli, Bullfrog and I love you very much. I don't want you to be afraid to come to talk to any of us. We're all here to help." CeCe tells me with a warm smile.

"Thank you CeCe." I relply with a smile of my own.

"You're very welcome Clare. Do you have any plans for today?" CeCe asks as she stands up from my bed.

I shake my head. "No. No I don't." I respond.

"Well, don't stay in bed all day. I'll make sure I have my cell phone near me while I'm at work. So don't hesitate to call me if you need anything." CeCe tells me.

"I won't. Thank you."I tell CeCe as she stands in my doorway.

"You're welcome Clare. I'll see you when I get home from work." CeCe tells me as she leaves my room.

Once I'm alone again, Eli appears in my doorway. "Hey, don't you leave for school soon?" I question my best friend/boyfriend.

"Yeah, but I can't leave without saying goodbye to you." Eli says as he hops onto my bed.

"Eli!" I squeal as my boyfriend jumps on top of me and starts tickling me. He stops, starts to kiss me instead and after a few minutes, I pull away.

"What?" Eli questions me with his eyebrows drawn together.

"You have to get to school Eli. Don't worry about me. I'll just be here, maybe do some reading." I say as I sit up. Eli sits up as well and then heads for my bedroom door. "Eli?" I call out.

Eli turns around just as he puts his hand on the doorknob. "I'll see you after school lets out." Eli says with a grin.

"I love you." I call out after him.

"I love you too." Eli says over his shoulder with a big smile as he leaves my room.

A big smile spreads across my face after Eli leaves me to myself. I stretch out my arms and legs before finally climbing out of bed. I go downstairs to make myself some breakfast. I make my way into the kitchen and make myself a cup of coffee.  
I then grab a bowl and a box of Cheerios and pour some into the bowl. I get out the milk and add it to my cereal. I sit down at the kitchen table to eat in silence.

After I clean up my breakfast, I go back upstairs to change my clothes. As I strip away my clothes, I find that I just don't have the energy to get redressed. So, instead I lay back down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I curl up on my side,  
hug my knees to my chest and close my eyes. After what only feels like a few minutes, which is really a couple of hours, I'm awaken by the sound of my cell phone going off. I reach for my phone and see that it's Eli calling me. I hesitate at first  
to answer, but I do.

"Hi Eli." I answer.

"How are you holding up Clare?" Eli causally asks me and I can hear the worry in his voice.

"I'm okay. Just resting. How is school?" I reply dryly.

"School is boring. I miss you here. Oh, Adam says hi and Ali saysshe misses you too." Eli tells me with a dramatic sigh.

"Awe tell them both I say hi and that I miss them too. Sorry school is so boring without me, but hey, I'm just about to take a shower. I'll talk to you when you get home." I say in a rushed tone.

"Oh okay. Well, I guess I'll let you go then. I'll see you when I get home Clare." Eli says sounding defeated.

"See you later Eli." I reply and then end our phone call.

I put my cell phone back on my bedside table and sit on the edge of my bed. Instead of taking a shower, maybe I'll draw myself a bath. So, I hop off of my bed and make my way to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, I turn on the focet and make sure  
the water is the right temperature before I get in the bathtub. I start off with taking off my underware and then my bra before getting into the water. Once I slip into the warm water, I close my eyes and let out a sigh of release. I slide down and  
envelop myself with the calming sensation of the water.

After soaking in the bathtub until my skin starts to prune, I grab a towel to wrap myself in. I then gather my undergarments off of the floor and head back to my room. I open my closet and take out a plain and simple blue dress. I drymyself  
off before putting on a fresh pair of underware and then slip on my dress. I then grab my copy of The Bell Jar and go back to sitting on my bed to read. And before I know it, Eli is standing in my room.

"Hey you." Eli greets me.

"Hi." I greet back while saving my place in my book and placing it in my lap.

"Reading Plath huh? How was your shower?" Eli asks with his voice not as steady as I heard it earlier

"I took a bath instead." I simply reply in a quiet voice.

Eli moves closer in my room and makes his way onto my bed beside me. I keep my hands in my lap and avoid eye contact with him.

"Clare, you know that you can talk to me. I'm here for you. I always have been and always will." Eli reminds me as he places a hand on top of one of my own, but I pull away from his touch.

"I just want to be alone for a little while. Hopefully you can understand." I speak as I turn my head in the opposite direction of Eli.

"Clare.." Eli starts, but I turn my head to face him with tears threatening to fall.

"Please Eli." I plead.

Eli nods his head. "Okay. I'll leave you be, but you know where to find me if you need me." Eli tells me and it breaks my heart to hear him speak in suchdefeat.

"I'll always need you Eli" I say with a weak smile as Ikiss his forehead.

"Good." Eli kisses my cheek. "I'll be in my room." Eli says as he gets off my bed and heads for my door.

"You know I love you Eli" I call out.

"I know Clare. I love you too." Eli calls over his shoulder as he leaves my room.

* * *

For the past few days I stayed in my room and talked to Eli or his parents very little. I always made up some excuse for why I needed to be by myself. I know I'm making everyone close to me worried, but I just have the energy anymore. Today  
is now Sunday and I know I told Eli that I wanted to go to church, I didn't know if I could, but here I am.

Sitting in the pew, holding Eli's hand, all I feel is sadness and nostalgia. I look around me and I see my parents friends. I still have a funeral to plan and that's one reason why I'm here today.

"Are you okay?" Eli whispers beside me.

"No." I whisper back while chocking back tears that threaten to spill down my face.

The serman went by in a blur because I found it hard to pay attention. Eli kept giving me worried glances and squeezed my hand like I wasgoing to slip away from him at any second. And now Eli and I stand out in front of his housewith  
a plan of when to have my parents funeral. And even though it's springtime, I start to shiver slightly. I hold onto Eli tighter as we sit on his front porch. 


End file.
